The Proverbial Asshole
Rare are the girls who like the “nice guys”.
I am a part of the many who enjoy the other spectrum.
To us, the bad boys are more appealing than the rest.
Why is this?
Many men and women have pondered this question and tried to find the origin of this so-called attraction to the deleterious.
I would like to finally bring some clarity to myself and strip this attraction to its core. No pun intended, of course.
First, I will begin with a misconception that men often make between being the attractive bad boy, and being the arrogant asshole.
Challenging Vs. Insulting
Most of my friends know that my taste in men isn’t exactly “bring home to mom” material. But recently, I stepped out of my typical choice and began dating a good guy. Romantic, sweet, and a bit shy. As our first few dates progressed, my friends began to feed him advice. Advice of which included; “Be an asshole, dude! She likes guys who are assholes.”
Oh sweet lord.
When he told me this weeks later I felt my blood pressure rise 10 units.
I decided I had to clarify that there is a difference between being an arrogant asshole and challenging my intellect. There’s a fine line, and I find that men have trouble with this most, because they don’t know what can be stimulating and what becomes just plain rude.
Typically, women who are into these types of men have strong personalities, and therefore need a man with an equally strong personality. This helps to balance things out, because if a woman is for example into intellectual conversations and the man she is with has a more neutral personality, the conversations will not be as challenging as they would be with a man that has a strong character and conviction. This tends to cause problems, because although the two may be attracted on a physical level, the mental attraction is lacking.
Typically when a man tries to be the proverbial asshole, he begins by using insults. This is where a man makes his first mistake and goes from provocative interest, to arrogant prick. He needs to be able to find the balance. He mustn’t insult a girl, but provoke her on an intellectual level.
Yes, males. There is a difference.
If he can master that talent, the women will run to him as bees to honey.
Why?
Because most women don’t even know what they want from a man, so if a man can find the balance between all the different things she wants, he is obviously capable of mastering her desires more than even she is. This, to women, is impressive and makes them instantly attracted.
Nonetheless, he must know exactly when to be the challenging wit filled boyfriend, and when to be the romantic prince every girl dreams of.
Its a perfect balance.
And typically when men lean too much towards one spectrum, the relationship either becomes boring, or too overbearing.
Because yes, women are versatile and confused creatures when it comes to what they want.
One day they want a man to challenge them, and the next they want one to worship them.
So in attempting to uncover the origins of this attraction, we must first allow men to understand the difference between being insulting and being challenging.
We do not need a man to be an asshole and tell us we’re fat.
We need a man to challenge us intellectually and allow us to be the strong-witted creatures we truly are.
That’s all.
In Part 2 I will discuss whether or not this attraction can be influenced by the numerous media images of the proverbial asshole that women are exposed to throughout their lives, and decipher if perhaps this can be a contributing factor to a woman’s innate desire to be with the “bad boy” instead of the sweet guy.
To be continued.
Pretty spot-on analysis of the nice guy vs. asshole reality. The problem is that so-called nice guys aren’t so nice. They tend to be worried about themselves (stemming from a lack of self-confidence) as opposed to giving attention to the girl. It goes deeper than that, but assholes tend to be confident guys, which goes a long way in helping to keep a woman interested and stimulated.