I see myself wearing a very funky scarf in a stylish cafe, smoking a cigarette and reading a pamphlet to the newest art showing that month.

I see myself in a modern minimalist apartment cooking rice and listening to acid jazz.

Painting on a balcony in a Paris loft with flowers running down the sides of it.

Sporting a fashionable trench coat and beanie in a London subway station buying a bottle of Irish Creme Liquor.

Holding his hand in the morning sun.

A live jazz concert with lights dimmed down low.

In a crowded office hurrying to write my column before the newspaper’s deadline.

Diagnosing the cause of death for Human #xxxxxxxxx while intricately studying the ventricles.

Human intelligence collector for the United States Army with a Sade CD in my uniform.

Lawyer in a court wearing an ugly suit with great shoes, engulfed in manilla folders.

Culinary Arts expert on a drive to a wine tasting convention.

Chopping wood for the fireplace in my cabin far away in the Carpathian Mountains.

Dreaming.

Living.

Loving.

Indeed, 10 years is quite the while.

Oh the curiosity.

Dear Lust, a bit of fun perhaps?

Why yes dear, of course. Would be quite the pleasure.

Introduce fierce look in the eye and the convincing innocence of kindness.

Local sports bar of Kingman, the dark wood on the bar catches her eye.

Contemplating the numerous ways in which it was sculpted and perfected.

The human skin can be admired if only looked at from the correct perspective. 

She needs a drink, and a strong one.

Perhaps rum, vodka, or just pure alcohol.

No pretentious thoughts flutter tonight.

She gets up, passes a man, lightly bumping into him as her bra strap falls. 

“Get off of me! Stop! No!”

The attention of other men is risen much like a wild call in the wilderness of savannas.

“What did you do to her, get the fuck off of her.”

A punch is thrown, and the smirk makes its appearance.

To cause mayhem is a small joy that needs to be savored once ever so often.

The tiles now vibrate, not from her high heels, but its origin now from the activity of fighting and punching in unknown direction.

Two men show off their skills as if two dominant males in the jungles of the Amazon.

This is an event to smirk at, to laugh at, to ponder and absorb..

She makes her exit unnoticed, no longer does the presence of the female affect them, they fight in banal force and sheer stupidity.

This is not the end, on her way out she grabs another man by the neck, kissing him passionately she lures him into her car.

He probably thinks that many lovely events will take place, but boy, is he wrong.

Somebody is going to be driving the rest of the way there, because precarious Lust does nor drink, nor drive.

Yes.

We have a new driver.

Could this ever work? A shaded corner of the room sends shivers up her spine, the sole purpose is to lighten the day, the tears fill her eyes as fresh lemonade in a crystal glass.

She admired the person that told her that he never involved himself with anyone as a young man, he did not see the purpose, the relationships were destined to an end anyway.

Is it that we do not see time? Or do we not want to realize our own demise?

Young, and beautiful in others eyes, she is on the break of becoming confident, perhaps even finding closure to this leap taken.

The desire not for false love stories, but the personal conquest, a meaning, an understanding.

Salvation of the soul? Or just pure wondering?

Passing by couples embraced, watching innocent laughs and giggles, gestures of fingers tangled in one and other, these small yet trivial happenings quench the soul.

Could the finding be now? Or should patience continue as nature takes its course?

The poetic shadow upon a vase, to paint, to draw, to dance, perhaps romantic fantasy.

A drawer lays unopened, memories and the typical half smile, half frown surely to appear.

Happiness equaling to love?

Or lost equaling to love?

Once happiness is found could the love be lost?

Yet, when we dance, it is like stars are the freckles of the skies.

Getting to know thy own self can be the most beautiful journey, the slight misunderstanding and disbelief that indeed no longer a child, you mold your soul.

These are the moments important, the sweet irony of how she does not realize these moments will never come again, eyes toward the imagery outside, she could be admiring the scenery, or simply in another world.

The half smile on her face says it all, perhaps content, perhaps discovery, living the moment, the perfection flows.

She is slowly falling out of loss, and sliding into her own skin.

She knows it is capable, but what comes next?

Suppose she does find happiness, and striving for many years, she finally finds it.

Looking back, will it be worth it?

What is happiness? Children? A house? A nice car?

Freedom is being able to enjoy a sunday evening laying around with friends and family.

But happiness?

She can do such great things, yet something holds her back, a fear of the unknown, the need for certainty.

The first phase has long passed, contemplation of the utter divine perhaps?

A desire to accomplish the impossible?

Or maybe just a very good dreamer.

Numerous what ifs, careless scrutiny of the endless opinion slurs.

The human, a selfish selfish being.

Striving for self pleasure and success to the highest desires for power.

For what.

Left to be counted upon wandering fields and rear-view mirrors you will find fear and doubt.

Her heart will beat as if the spark that created minimum light and existence.

Possible to a break, but sacrifice will take place, a risk, an unknown journey.

Tips of clocks run around in an array of unspeakable discovery, she tends to hope, to dream, it is nature of her soul and being.

Found in place, once now, once true, flames and yells turn to calm waters.

The continuous search for answers? The neverending realm of profound questions and inexplicable curiousty?

Found inbetween the reality of life and the understanding of human nature, she still searches.

A search never to cease, but somehow to suffice the need, the urge, for the impossible achievement her soul craves.