I want to understand this feeling of bliss and undermine it’s authority.
I want to swim in misery, and suffocate in it’s happiness.
I want to witness your disguise and forever believe in our demise.

All I want is to understand.

Search bare lands for lush hopes.
Feed the soul that is not hungry.
Find the origin, implement the end.

I want my footsteps to scold me as I walk the path.
I want to sense your anger and wrap my warmth around it.
I want my eyes to glow magically as I lose you tragically.

All I want is to understand.

Approximate futures for past mistakes.
Tear apart whole partitions.
Kiss goodbye to your hello.

I want my embrace to hold the abyss.
I want to encounter resistance as I steal my existence.
I want to bleed intellect.

All I want is to understand.

As I open the door, I’m startled by a small bird fluttering uncontrollably.

It’s claws are trapped in the screen of my neighbor’s window and it’s struggling to free itself.

At first glance, I’m slightly afraid of this small animal.

Society it seems, really is getting to all of us. We have become so accustomed to our concrete jungle that we have lost all contact with nature.

The mere sight of a bird has become a foreign occurrence no longer written about in the manual book.

I snap out of it.
I love nature. I love animals.

If I could, I would move out into an empty house in the middle of a forest, far from civilization, with nothing but my thoughts and a record player.
Therefore, I will not react like my classical conditioning suggests.

I think to myself, “If I help this bird, I’ll be late for class again, and I will have broken my promise to be on time. If I don’t help this bird..”

My thought process ended there.
There was not a “don’t help” option.
I went inside and grabbed a towel, I wanted gloves but at this point the bird was no longer struggling.
In defeat, it just allowed itself to hang from it’s trapped body.

Towel wrapped around my hands, I approached the small creature, admittedly hesitant and somewhat unsure of what to do.
Somehow, in that moment, I felt as if this animal knew that I was trying to help it.
It became calm and as I wrapped this towel around it, it’s small legs began to shake.
When I tried to untangle it’s claws, the shaking stopped.
I trusted this creature, and it trusted me.

Breaking it away from the screen, I thought it would instantly struggle to get away, but it didn’t.
It stood up, leaning on my palm for support.
I began to walk down the stairs, again, unsure of how it might react.
This moment was incredible.
It was in this moment that I realized that this small creature and I were exactly alike.

For years, I too have been trapped.

But between the two of us, there was a difference.
This creature, struggled. It fluttered it’s wings in despair. It tried to escape until it consumed itself.
I on the other hand, have always waited to be saved.

As I arrived at the bottom of the stairs, this beautiful bird still held on and stood, grapsing my palm.
For a second, it was just me and this small creature.
I looked at it, raised my hand in the air.
It paused, tried to find it’s balance, and opened its beautiful wings.
It leaped into the air, fearless.
Free, once more.

It was then I realized that I too need to free myself.
I need to save myself.
I need to flutter my wings in despair and allow myself to fly fearlessly,
just as this exquisite creature did.

I walked into class on time that day.
I walked into life that day.

2. I question what the future holds for our country and world.

3. I miss Romania.

4. I want to be 120 pounds, I have ten more pounds to go.

5. Sometimes, I think of how I want my wedding to be.

6. Even after almost two years, I still think of my past relationship and of him.

7. Although I seem very sociable, I’m actually a very shy person.

8. Sometimes I wonder why people aren’t as passionate about other things as they are about their faith.

9. I write late at night, because it’s quiet.

10. I can’t put makeup on if there isn’t music playing.

11. When I have to wake up early, to wake myself up, I use the “trinity get up” phrase from the Matrix and input my name instead. Works every time.

12. I think women should cook, clean, and take care of their kids and their husband.

13. I don’t vote because I do not believe our voices are truly heard in that manner.

14. I get jealous easily, but am able to suppress it just as easily.

15. In my opinion, a man is most attractive when he is dressed formally.

16. I have a terrible habit of checking my email seldomly.

17. The sound of piano makes me want to fall in love.

18. I look in the mirror and am never pleased with what I see.

19. I love my parents, but sometimes I wish they were there for me more emotionally.

20. Im excited for medical school, but am definately terrified at the same time because of my lack of self discipline.

21. My eyes tear up when Im tired.

22. When I paint, I hum.

23. I get very irritable when I’m tired.

24. I’m regretting starting this list.

25. I eat eggs with toast and tomatoes.

26. My dream car would be:

27. I’m terrible at using cell phones.

28. I watch the Housewives series on Bravo for comedic purposes.

29. My tattoo contains a sense of secret irony that nobody will ever be able to understand.

30. I’ve always wanted to meet a guy in a bookstore and fall in love.

31. I have a 79 page book that I do not want to put out into the world because of its very intimate details about my life in the past year. I do not understand why I wrote it in the first place.

32. The most liberating thing I’ve done is go 100 mph on a motorcycle and not hold onto anything for a moment of freedom and complete fearlessness.

33. I always tell myself I’ll go to bed early, and never do.

34. I try and understand myself sometimes by looking at my parents.

35. I would give anything to be able to just travel the world for a few years.

36. I like having tea on rainy days.

37. I hold my friends accountable for any and all of their actions.

38. I tend to hold a grudge.

39. I used to perform “surgeries” on my stuffed animals at 8. I’ve always been into medicine and things of that nature.

40. I feel at home in Art Museums.

41. Imagining my life without my dog makes me cry.

42. Walking up to get my diploma was a pleasant “fuck you” to many people who didn’t think I could make it.

43. I’m stubborn.

44. If I took my own advice, I would be a super being.

 
45. I enjoy having a cigarette when having a deep conversation.

46. I don’t like wetting my hair when I swim.

47. I believe in Karma and the theory of getting back the energy that you put out.

48. I’ve always wanted to have pale skin and be a redhead.

49. Irony follows me around like the black plague.

50. I’ve never been happier to see the number fifty.

It was a glimmer in time when all was calm and well.

 Her laughter was genuine, his thoughts complete.

But just as the rose wilts and the winter cold sets in, their love had given its last breathe.

It was a three years full of happiness. It was a three years of sadness.

But all in all, it was love.

He had loved her like no other, and she turned her back.

Her retreat had signed her sentence, for she would run from love like prey from its predator.

He swore his love would never cease, and warned her that she would be the one to forget what had been.

Yet, oceans seperated them and she was the one who never forgot.

His heartbreak forced him to search for comfort in another, and her heartbreak into isolation.

Love was an unspoken word, a forbidden sentiment that to her brought only heart ache and despair.

They have been apart for a year and a half now.

Each on their own journey.

He has found love in another, and she has remained alone.

Because you see, life is not without a sense of irony.

We make our beds and we lay in them.

I ran, he gave in.

As if in delay, her longing for his hand in hers took away her soul like night stole day.

Perhaps a faded scent to others, but to her it was all too familiar, all too reminiscent.

A close of the eyes and a strive of the memory, she saw herself in his arms once more. 

An illusion.

A complete confusion.

To whom to turn?

Potentials stand in line, conclusively impatient.

But of importance they are not.

Because her pains too run deep, and her words obligated she must keep.