Lost Love Lust

There are a couple things in this life that are horrible, perhaps not having legs, or not being able to hear, but the one I would say is the worst is being alone.

Is this a rant? Yes. It fucking is.

Dont like it? Dont read it.

I suppose there are certain moments in life when you exagerate with feelings and feel like the whole world is against you.

This just might be one of those moments.

I could be in a room full of people tomorrow and still feel like I am the only one there.

I would probably light a ciggarette and hope the feeling passes, but that no longer works for me.

Staring into emptyness sure feels like the new feeling I am having.

A councelor asked me what I want from life, what I want to do.

I couldnt answer that then, but now I think I can. I think being the key word there.

I want to fall in love, or at least have someone to hold at night, sure it might not be some fairytale, but I would prefer that rather than staring at the four white walls that surround me and sighing as if everything might actually be alright.

You could say I am a ticking bomb, that would be a very true statement.

I am not sure if I am a land mine, or just some weapon of mass destruction.

My stomach hurts like hell, and yes, that was completely random.

My writing? Brilliant? No. It is not. It is just here, and I will keep telling myself that someone might actually like what I am putting on here.

People are beautiful when they smile, I tend to really like that, especially if its sunny outside, nothing is more beautiful.

My clock says its 2:47, but its actually 3:47, and every time I remember its wrong, I feel like I lost an hour of my life in a second.

I keep trying to figure out if I am a normal person, or just completely insane, its not going so well.

In this kind of situation a person, any person, might say some fake crap like:

“Everything happens for a reason.” or maybe even “Dont worry, be happy.”

Please.

Are you kidding me? Why the hell are we on this planet anyway? God? Buddha? 

I could care less right now who and what, but why is quite important. Or maybe it isnt, I dont know, all I know is that if I wasnt here writing this crap, I would be much better, and I am 100% sure that didnt make any sense, but for once, I really could care less.

I have always strived for perfection, this is me giving up.

Make-up, designer hand bags, cool jeans, whatever.

I just want to wake up in the morning next to someone who can adore me for, well, normally I would insert some romantic thing like my eyes, or something of that nature, but right now, I prefer leaving it that way. 

I just want to wake up in the morning next to someone who can adore me for.

That is good, I am content with that sentence, possibly even happy.

Possibly.

There are exactly 577,000,000 results for the word “human” on google.

I would guess I am human #577,000,001, and as I sit here and yawn, I find that humans are so overrated.

Intelligent? Inventive? Interesting?

Please.

You have got to be kidding me.

We are so messed up.

I would normally put in the “F-word” in the above sentence, but I suppose that at some point my mother will read this.

We really are messed up though.

You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.

I am sorry if I was never the kind of child you wanted, but I’m trying.

I could say I know what I want from this life, but to be incredibly sincere, I dont.

The car in the garage is yellow.

And my life sucks. 

I suppose those two sentences go well.

For now.