rotten.

The very sight of you caused me to feel nauseous.

You disgust me to the point that it physically affects me. I’m literally repulsed by you and everything you represent.

You represent the race of man I have feared my entire life.

Encountering you was like stumbling upon a rotten apple in a beautiful orchard.

Everything that I once believed and trusted was ruined because of you.

I was a happy person before you decided to show up.

Why did you have to come along and take everything away from me because of your self indulgent desire to hurt everyone you encounter?

I can’t wait for karma to come back at you full speed, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who will profusely enjoy seeing you go through the shit you put other people.

It will be spectacular, I’m sure of it.

Why?

Because you’re a soulless prick who has fucked up so many people around you that what you deserve will inevitably come back to you, full force.

Sure, you wasted my time and it took a long time for me to accept that you were the lifeless scum that you were, but ultimately, I did nothing to deserve what you did.

Which in the end is what makes your actions even more shameless and detestable.

You walk around with your head held high, and it’s actually quite amusing.
Why?

Because, ironically, most people have to look down to even see you.
Physically and metaphorically.

You think you have everything, but truly? You have nothing.

All the material things you could ever buy will never get you what you’re really missing.

Heart.

Soul.

Substance.

You’re an empty vessel.

A parasite.

Sucking the life out of everything you encounter.

I’m glad I finally realized what a foul lifeless prick you really were.

Being over you is amazing, and this is my last goodbye.

I will never make a mistake like you again.

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crossfire.

I light a cigarette and rub my red lipstick all over it.

An elderly woman passes by me and by the look of her face I could swear she hated me for her entire journey of two seconds walking past me.

I decide to walk into work two minutes early, perhaps I would feel younger.

Maybe I would feel submissive, which would  be quite contrary to my rebellious nature.

I walk through the aisles, I’m on the runway.

The runway to slavery on minimum wage. Bring on the shackles and sweat,
I hear they’re the latest rage.

My superior informs me how to do my job, it’s not as if I’ve been completing these same tasks on a daily basis  for the past six months. Filthy sales representative reject from the ghetto plains of incult Alabama wants to tell me how to do my job. Please.

I’ve met smarter homeless people.

My smile is endless, so is my creativity with foul language.

Thank god that my mind was like a mute man singing at a rock concert.

It screamed, but no one really knew.

My muscles are tense and I move at a fairly good pace considering my lack of motivation.

A typical cougar overflowing with snobbery begins to explain to me what she is going to use her oil paints for and I convince myself to be interested.

“Why yes, cobalt blue, it’s an excellent color.”

It would also be an excellent idea if you bought your oil paint before the stroke of 8 p.m so instead of being here I could be at home enjoying a properly brewed cup of tea and my Sex and The City episode.

I start my car. The slow speed I move at is a fairly accurate representation of my lack of interest.

It’s art.

It’s beautiful.

It’s an entropical excuse of excused entropy.

Hm, where have I heard that before?

I light a cigarette and rub my red lips all over it.

I have places to be and people to see.

note to self.

Life = layer of ice on a frozen lake.

Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to believe that things in life can be true, if you work hard enough for them. But the more and more I step onto this layer of ice called life, the more and more I realize that every step is a step away from shore. What is shore?

Shore = the idea that true love exists, that friendships can be genuine, and that if someone can prove themselves enough, they can be trusted.

Well.

The ice has broken.

I have been pushed, dragged, and tripped onto the ice far too many times to even remember what shore looks like.

Elders have spoken to me of this journey, and have given me insight that I should have listened to long long ago.

One must learn to cross the frozen lake, alone.

Independent of friends, loved ones, and anyone else they might want to hold on to.

If you don’t think you can cross the lake without holding someone’s hand, don’t step onto the ice.

Life is a journey of stepping away from shore.

Nobody besides you will ever know how far to put one leg in front of the other.

Hold on to no one, because when you fall, they will not risk their own fall for your survival.

Prepare yourself to cross alone, and if on the way, you find fellow pilgrims, greet them politely.

Share ideas for the path, but do not synchronize your step.

Trust no one, but be not bitter, because we are all on the ice.

We all hold the same fears of falling through and never reaching the other side. Have some understanding.

Walk with your eyes focused, your hands clenched with fists, because this journey will be a never ending fight.

It will be cold.

It will be hard.

And it will be long.

But goddammit make your step a stride, because anything is better than not having stepped on at all.

Seasons will change.

Spring will melt the ice, and Winter will recreate it.

A constant cycle will occur.

Keep up with the times and welcome change.

Remind yourself the principles and keep walking.

Make every step your own, weigh out your decisions, and if need be, crawl to the other side.

Do not hold on to anyone.

One must learn to cross the frozen lake, alone.

Holding on to someone on your journey can cause you to make stops, it can cause pain.

The person might not want to go on, so you might have to drag them along.

You may not want to go on, so they may drag you along.

Walk alone and the only pain you will suffer is pain from thy own decision.

No suffering shall be of force, but by choice.

One must learn to cross the frozen lake, alone.

This has been a note to myself so that I can read it when I begin to see with false optimism once more.

I am done searching for someone to cross the lake with.

I am stepping on, and never looking back.

I can, and will, cross this lake alone.

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Chapter 1 – aequus.

A tip of a finger, a slight of the hand.

“Here’s the thing officer, I live and breathe Valvae. Much of which will never touch the tip of your tongue.”

Her confidence made him uneasy.

“10-4, we have a 415, I’m going to need another unit dispatched.”

She was honored to be a 415, it was rare to have an officer call that code.

“It is by law prohibited that any citizen shall escape the ground level and enter any other levels without legislative permission. Under jurisdiction 415 you are being seized for entering realms five, six, and nine.”

She puckered her lips and adjusted her cuffs.

“But you and I both know that being up there is where all is right. I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been there before. Every time you speak of it, your body flutters. When the words mentioning it escape your mouth, the sorrow fills your eyes. Once you’ve had the fun, you’re never done.”

In 2021 a group of medical students dedicated their time to finding the perfect combination of receptor exhibiting chemicals. At first, the search was only intended to aid severe psychological patients and sufferers of brain cancers, but in their trials the students discovered much more. The ingestion of this chemical cocktail aided the students in a discovery beyond belief. With every dose, they opened doors to different realms of the mind. Realms where others existed too, others who had managed to reach that level through deep spiritual exercise. The higher they went in levels, the more insight the people they met had. At first, the students kept these expeditions to themselves. Every night attempting to unlock more and more levels. Bringing people down to their level, exchanging knowledge, and attempting to understand the nature of how these realms functioned. One elderly man they met on a level four expedition explained:

“By understanding that your body is the trap, you can allow the mind to nestle its way out. A slow, yet progressive process ensues where one realizes that possibilities become endless if the mind is unleashed. A complete dedication of thought is necessary, going beyond obsession is required. It must engulf you. It must engulf the body until imprisonment is capable no longer. After reaching the first level, it’s only a matter of furthering mind expansion .”

The students took frantic notes, philosophized for days only to discover a new realm every week. Overwhelmed by more and more information, they began to share what they had come to call “Valvae”. (Latin for “folding doors”)

Soon intellects all over the city began to indulge in Valvae.

Riots ensued, rebellions began.

A new function to society was being demanded, and government power slowly declined as more and more people came to the realization of how Valvae could be used to change the world. It was a revolution, but unfortunately, a short lived one.

Authorities infiltrated the distribution of Valvae, and declared it illegal. After seeing how much disobedience it caused, government officials feared that they would no longer be able to control the masses. This was true. Some of the medical students fled. Some entered seclusion attempting to free their minds before officials managed to get to them. And some became leaders of the rebellion. Those who were rebels were given a code.

That code was 415.

She had two guns and a knife, the dispatch was in for a surprise.

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