animus.

This may offend some of you.

Good.

I am not in the business of sugarcoating reality. Those of you who know me, can attest to that.

Therefore, if you are easily offended, please, crawl back into your hole where everything is peachy keen and continue to lie to yourself that truth is not written in blood.

Also, know on your way back to your safety net, that in my humble opinion, you are below a human being, below an animal, and below the very dirt that covers the surface of this earth.
Why?
Because a coward does not have the characteristics of a human being. He has the characteristics of a leaf blowing in the wind. Blown in whichever direction the wind suits, this leaf will never choose it’s own path, it will never go against the breeze.

Even dirt, in the face of wind, eventually comes back and holds its ground.

A coward, does not.

So please, if you are a soft being, who does not want to know about the ” boogie monster” hiding in the closet, close your eyes and go to sleep, while the rest of us deal with the reality of the world around us. Thank you.

Now that that has been put out of the way, I would like to state my opinion on some things that I see in the world around me.

1. I see in the world around me herds. Herds of sheep. Numbering in hundreds of thousands. You are simply another number in the sequence. All one needs to do is step into a classroom nowadays, and they can be reassured that our future is at its ends.

Where have opinions gone? Where has contradiction been lost?
Since when have people decided “politically correct” is a must?
It is not.

And I see this in every classroom I take part.
The moment someone steps out of the boundaries, the scolding looks and controversial whispers arise.
Teachers have become dictators. Their authorities, no longer questioned. The information we are being fed, no longer questioned.
The ideals being provided, no longer questioned.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

When you were ten years old and someone told you the sky was purple, you looked up and assured yourself it was not.

Now, a teacher tells you that Capitalism is a good form of government, and you do not look it up.
You do not reassure yourself.
You simply nod and wait for your next assignment to be given.

When did you decide to leave your curiosity behind and simply accept facts that are handed to you?

When did you decide that educating yourself was no longer about learning, but about degrees?

When did you decide that a pipe was more important than a book?

When did you decide that a screen was more beautiful than the world that surrounds you?

When, goddammit?

Because if I remember correctly, we were not like this before.

We were motivated.

Motivated to understand ourselves, the world around us, and beyond.

We did not settle for bare necessities, and we did not accept anything less than perfection.

We ran as hard as we could to win a race, we thought as hard as we could to solve a problem, and we went as far as we needed to find an answer.

And now look at us, mere numbers in a sequence.
Manipulated only by those who know the formula.

No one cares to understand the formula anymore, no one cares to even know it, all they care about is obtaining the final result.

Forget the process that comes along with it, there are mathematicians who can do that.
Forget understanding the human body, there are doctors who can tell us what pills to take.
Forget making life decisions, there are  “life coaches” who can advise you on your path through life.

A fucking “life coach”? Really? It’s absolutely repulsive what we have become.
Everything around us continues to develop, yet we do not develop along with it.

Our morals, the ideas of centuries ago.
Our traditions, unchanged since the middle ages.
The system in which we function, untouched.
Men still congregate and argue over who gets the bigger “loaf of bread” and how many other citizens they should tax in order to obtain more bread.
Our educations, decreasing beyond an exponential rate.
People used to give their entire salaries to learn how to read.
Now, people don’t even care to pick up books.
Libraries have become obsolete, book stores have closed.

As a spectator to all this, I cannot help but be outraged.

Not only with those around me, but with myself also.
I am no hypocrite. I too have fallen into this trap of ignorance often times. I’ve allowed myself to be detracted by the various forms of entertainment that exist to keep us distracted, but nonetheless, my eyes refuse to close. My eyes refuse to become blinded to the realities of what is becoming of the world around us.

I refuse to sit back and watch the slow decay of what truly is a beautiful creature.

You are a human being. Who can weigh out decisions, feel emotion, rationalize it, calculate it, compute it, exert it, understand it, and use it. Your every atom is a walking contradiction to the laws of physics. After thousands of years, we still do not fully understand how this machine of a body functions. And yet you wish to squander that potential by becoming another sheep in the herd and never questioning  anything around you?

I find that extremely disappointing.

I find that appalling.

And I find it damn near ridiculous.

Do not allow yourself to become another number in the sequence.

Read. Learn. Understand.

Become something.

The technological beauty which lies in you cannot go unused.

Know everything, then question it.

Question it until the tree of knowledge no longer bears roots.

Learn until your knowledge outweighs your thoughts.

Exist until your life outweighs your time.

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ils ont touché.

What sweet desire I conspire.

If lust we’d fight, morals would be contrite.

If night was light, darkness would be right.

My soul you excite with the words you ignite.

If thoughts I incite, your mind I rewrite.

What sweet desire, I conspire.

Your fingers through my hair, such a rush I can’t compare.

A touch light as air, it’s control I want to impair.

I kiss you in despair, as my attraction I declare.

A certain flare, what an amorous affair.

What sweet desire, I conspire.

In delightful degradation, we practice this flirtation.

In defining temptation, we begin the translation.

In sensation, we find our sedation.

In moderation, we continue exploration.

What sweet desire, I conspire.

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condeco semper.

It’s a story I tell with glee, you see.

But you must keep it between you and me.

One day, walking through the forest, a woman met a man.

He was one without emotion.

He gently handed her a crumbled up note, his eyes were warm.

“Forever pondering, it’s this forest I’ll keep wandering.”

She looked up at him with confusion and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could let out a sound, he silenced her.

Scribbling frantically on his journal, he ripped out another note:

“Teach with the eyes. Speak with the mind.”

Looking down at her hands, she paused for a moment and took a deep breath.

Repeating in her mind the words she had just read, she brushed her hand up against his.

“Touch”, she said with a tremor in her voice.

Her hand slowly traced the line of his torn cloak, moving upward toward his neck and onto his face.

She traced the lines of his five o’ clock shadow and admired his ever so handsome features.

He stared into her eyes relentlessly as if attempting to deny the very beauty that sat before him.

In an attempt to look beyond her glowing skin, he closed his eyes.

But he could not help to still hear, and the pace at which her breathing rose made it that the more difficult to stay composed.

He was no longer one without emotion, and as she slowly dragged the tips of her fingers across his lips, she whispered:

“Lust”

Precariously, she moved her hands downward and placed them above his heart. She leaned in and placed her ear next to it, wondering if the heart of a man with no emotions had a beat. She had thought those kinds were obsolete.

Different than she thought it would be, it was much like a melody.

A melody that told the tale of pain and perception.

The song of hate, and deception.

Standing there,  he felt the sweet scent of her hair.

It was denial that he could no longer bare.

Her lips were ever so fair, and her soul was ever so rare.

Right then and there, it was for her that he began to care.

The leaves crumbled under their knees as they stood.

He put his hand on her heart and said:

“Love”

Smiling, she gently handed his crumbled note back to him.

He looked up at her with confusion and opened his mouth to speak but before he could let out a sound, she silenced him.

Placing her hands on him, she pushed him away from her and turned around.

As she walked, she turned and under her breath she said to him:

“Lost”

It’s a story I tell with glee, you see.

But you must keep it between you and me.

One day, walking through the forest, a man met a woman.

She was one without emotion.

She gently handed him a crumbled up note, her eyes were warm:

“Forever smirking, it’s this forest I’ll keep lurking!”

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Top 10 – What not to expect with Von Applecheese.

I have recently been made “single” once more, by means of replacement .
(Of course.)

No, not by the same guy, a different one. Yes, still an asshole.

No, I’m not getting back with him. Yes, I’ve learned my lesson.

Glad we got that out of the way.

I know those of you who really know me just asked yourselves those questions, so I thought I’d do the lovely service of providing you with instant answers.

Kind of like god does, except.. better.

Digression issues aside, back to what this is going to be about.

The advice I was given:

“Just make a list of what you’re looking for and what you’re not looking for so then you can filter out who’s right for you and who isn’t, instead of wasting your time.”

Although I don’t completely agree that some sort of comprehensive list will somehow suddenly reawaken my love life from the shambles that it’s been bathing in for the past few years, I decided that it would be nice to somewhat reorganize my standards considering I haven’t revised them since my early high school years. Yes, sad. I know.

Anyhow! That being said, let’s give it a try.

Thinking about this earlier, the writer in me of course began to think of how this so-called “list” would be organized.
Organizational skills are key in writing.
Hence, why I could care less about them. So let’s start in a logical manner instead.
Process of elimination, rather.

Undoubtedly, recently becoming single has brought on numerous suitors interested in courting  me. All that confidence boosting shit aside though, there’s some things I thought I should clarify in order to make my life and their lives easier. Things like what they can expect, yada yada yada.. So here we go.

In no particular order, do not expect the following:

1. Do not expect that any of your expectations will be met.

2. I will not send you naked/half naked/somewhat naked/ pictures of myself to your phone, email, ipad, or any other technological device that you might suggest. Why? Refer to #1 for any and all answers to that question. Besides, if you’re curious what I look like naked, call me. I’ll tell you all about it.

3. Although yes, I’m european, and yes, I love sex, it will not happen nearly as quickly as you may like. Unlike the many who seem to have lost respect for their own bodies, with me, you’ll have to wait it out. Will the wait be long? Not excessively, let’s face it, I’m not the Virgin freaking Mary, but my middle name isn’t Pamela Anderson either. The time in which things of that nature will occur will depend on my understanding of your intentions and your interest in who I am, and not what I am. If you continue to ponder this issue even after reaching numbers #5 and #6, this is a sign that your intentions do not match mine and you should proceed in moving on to a more promiscuous girl.

4. Do not expect anything you yourself wouldn’t do.

5. Do not expect me to come over if you do any of the following:

- Text me after the hours of 1 AM saying either “let’s chill”, “let’s hangout”, or “hey, you should come over”.
I’m not a 14 year old girl, I know exactly what you want, and frankly, I’ve never been a booty call kind of girl and you’re 2 word texts don’t give me much reason to be either.

- If you have the tendency of flaking out on plans, I will not risk wasting my time. What you give is what you get. If you’re not dependable, don’t expect me to be.

- If you happen to invite me somewhere and misunderstand the premise behind our so-called “hangout”, I will most likely not be as eager to “hangout” the next time.

6. I am a writer, painter, and overall lover of the arts. Do not expect me to make you my main priority every day of the week.
I typically dedicate at least one or two days of my week to the arts. If this is not convenient, you’re likely too clingy for me and therefore, we’re not very compatible.

7. Do not expect me to lack an opinion. A guy I was with once had the nerve to tell me the following:
“I don’t appreciate that you have an input in our conversations.”
If you find that you agree with the previous statement, as mentioned before, please, do me a favor and move on to another girl. Perhaps to one with an IQ under 70, likely to fit your intellectual needs.

8. Don’t expect me to be the dominant one in the relationship. Don’t expect me to make our plans, and don’t expect me to provide everything on a silver platter. I believe in balance. I will do my part, but you must do yours. My personality suggests that I should be with someone who can put me in my place when needed. I need a strong-witted person. If you typically answer questions with “I don’t care.”, “I don’t know”, or “It’s whatever”, it’s likely that you are not the type of person who will take charge when needed and if relationships with you are usually one-way, we will most likely not work out.

9. Do not expect that we will be in a serious relationship. Do not expect that we will fall in love. Do not expect that we will some day have kids and get married. All three of those ideas are ideas that I have set aside for when the time actually comes. Get to know me, be my friend before my lover, and then perhaps we can even bring those elements into conversation. Until then, all of those expectations will cause any type of relationship to be ruled null and void due to too many expectations.

10. Do not expect that this list mentions anything remotely close to what I feel or think. This is a blog. Anything and everything will be exaggerated in order to get a point across. Those of you who really know me know that I don’t have standards nearly as high as they should be and my personality is actually very amiable, but because of past events, the above ideas need to be mentioned in order to prevent another idiot from coming into my life and tearing it apart.

This list has helped to put a lot of things in perspective and I will likely write the other part of it tomorrow.
Thank you for taking the time to read.

Until another time, my sweet petunias.

I know right?

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