- I have a few people on my list, whom with each status, make me wonder more and more why I’m their friend to begin with.

- Drama in my life is like puddles on the sidewalk, sometimes I can jump over them, and sometimes I sink ankle deep in them unintending.

- If I’m ever homeless, I’d like to at least be able to pull of the homeless look. I love hobo bags?

- Food in america is found in boxes, so are dead people. Connection?

- If I ask another question will this piece seem questionable? Do I care?

- I want a purple coat. I want it to hang in my closet, because considering Arizona weather, I surely will not be able to wear it.

- If my library card history, was my credit history, I would never get a loan from any bank.

- The show the Real Housewives makes me regret calling myself a woman. So does saying I’m from Scottsdale. Both are beautifully intertwined.

- Socks are nice, but only when they’re white. Which in my case, is usually rare.

- When I started typing this my nails were clear, now they’re bright red. Im such a whore for the color red.

- I enjoy the Bravo channel, when I feel like I lack a brain and personality of course.

- I’m going to go into the kitchen now, where a woman belongs. Yes, I just said that.

- Till next time, my sweet pink pebble lovers.

- You’ve got a bit of ignorance on your lip. Here, take the life napkin, perhaps it can wipe it off.

- What exactly is attractive in a man wearing socks up to his knees and pants that also happen to reach the same length?
Are they trying to be idiots?
They’re doing a good job.

- So I keep seeing: “If I could rearrange the keyboard, I would put U and I together.”
If it were me, I would suggest a backspace and an ALT+F4 for those who think that is clever.

- I like laying on carpet, its almost as enjoyable as the occasional nail bed.

- Children are kind of like construction, they’re fine until the noise starts getting to be a bit much.

- I have all my academic awards taped on my wall.
Strictly adjacent to those are pictures of Marilyn Monroe, Anne Boleyn, and Corrine Griffith.
Does anyone see a sense of extreme irony in that other than me?

- I like rocks. They’re the only thing on my desk that don’t need dusting. Its quite convenient.

- Lately, I’ve been writing as often as I feed my fish. Once a week.
I should do that more. Writing, that is.
The fish should be fine.

- I read an article about feminists the other day. Apparently, I can’t be one because I actually enjoy cleaning.

- I saw a really beautiful girl the other day, but then she turned around and I saw her face.

- Drive-through workers should be provided the occasional alcoholic drink.
Maybe they would be much more friendly that way.

- Every time the air condition goes on, I feel the bank accounts being drained.

- I want to have my coffee tomorrow at zero G and the skys to rain spider monkeys.
Nothing too extravagant.

- Till next time, my sweet little gum drops.

- I had a cup of pessimist this morning. I would have had a cup of clever, but we were out of sugar.

- Let us discuss D-Day [...] The end.

- So if cool is no longer cool does that make me uncooly cool?

- Inspiration is like the morning paper, it isn’t an afternoon thing.

[This was written at 1:00 pm.]

- I’ve never really understood the concept of being able to go out in public in a bathing suit, but if you walk out in a bra and underwear, it is frowned upon.

- You know that moment when somebody is talking to you, but you just feel like saying:
“Yeah, honestly, I don’t give a fuck about what you’re telling me.”
I refrain from those moments 90% of the time.

- Cake has never tasted better at 1:02 in the morning.
I hope my trainer gets clogged arteries.

- Humans are attention seeking whores. The mere existence of bumper stickers is inexplicable proof of my indignation.

- Waffles. Waffles are good. I eat them every 8-10 months.

- When asked about how Didi from Dexter’s Laboratory managed to be Dexter’s sister although they were not alike, I answered:
“Didi was a crack whore at the age of 5 and was taken in by crazy yellow gloves lady, otherwise known as Dexter’s mother, afterwards realizing that crack whores could be reformed, she disciplined her son dexter into contemplating a solution to world famine. The end.”

- Today, I saw a crustaceous shrimp in an aquarium. I automatically  imagined him in a tuxedo and thought his name should be Francois. The things creativity can do to a person.

- A typical declaration made by me in conversations will now commence:
“So anyway, this Charles Manson man brainwashed his women by giving them LCD.”
LCD? You mean LSD, Diana.
Uh Yes.
LSD, I mean. 

- In a mine field, I would like to play hide and seek. Go out with a boom, aye?

- Whatever happened to A/S/L? Did a twitter bird come to its home and murder it profusely with an axe of mass proportions?

- So if two people meet on Myspace, is their offspring stamped with a
“Made In Myspace” emblem?
I cannot help but wonder.

- Dust settles on an object, right after you wipe it off.
Does that mean that during the course of our sleep cycle we too collect dust?
Is that not a bit eery to imagine?
Our sleeping selves covered in dust as if ages passed and time ceased to exist.
Good lord, I need a yogurt. 

- Till another time, my petunia poppies. 

strut in engleza.

time is of the essence.