Even the broken can be whole.

Even the strong weep silently.

Even the heartless can have soul.

Even the wise speak quietly.

Even the weak find their role.

Even the calm think violently.

Even the free seek control.

Even the proud walk entirely.

Even the fire burns the coal.

Even the tree stands defiantly.

]]> http://lostlovelust.com/apparent-1198/feed/ 0 http://lostlovelust.com/binary-compound-1192/ http://lostlovelust.com/binary-compound-1192/#comments Sat, 24 Sep 2011 05:48:53 +0000 Diana http://lostlovelust.com/?p=1192 A man who enjoys a beautiful face, enjoys a good conversation also.

I’ve got two eyes, and two ears.

A misunderstanding is best understood, in silence.

A voice is better heard through the mind.

A thought is best spoken through reality.

I’ve got two thoughts, and two opinions.

A life is best lived through dreams.

A touch is better given through feeling.

A heart is best touched through meaning.

A love is best felt through the heart.

I’ve got two lies, and two truths.

I’ve got everything, and I’ve got nothing.

They simply don’t go together.

I arrived home at approximately twenty minutes after 1.
My phone rang as I lit my cigarette.
I ignored the call. It was thursday. One of the 6 days I gave a fuck less about my mobile device.

I light my cigarette with a match.
Primordial.
I wonder about my recent bank statement and am awakened by a piercing alarm.
The alarm was the feeling of my already burned skin melting in a tango of blood and tissue on my left thumb.

I had burned my thumb the night before the same way. Fire and I were like oil and water.
In my mind, the label on the matchbox read “Keep away from Dyana.”
In reality, it said “Keep away from children.”
I suppose they were one and the same.

The more I investigated this matchbox, the more I realized we could be friends.
The other side stated “Close cover – Strike gently.”
I thought of a good battered wife joke.
I chuckled.

More often than not, I enjoyed pissing off feminists.
Nothing pisses a feminist off more than a female who enjoys cooking, cleaning, and agreeing with Men.
Why is this?
I didn’t know.
No one really knew.

Feminists were a breed all on their own.
Their low-level taxonomic rank served separate from the rest.
In the book of cultural nomenclature, they were most likely classified as follows:

Phylum: Human
Species: Female
Genus: Bitchium maximus.

It had been a long day.
Digressing from a bank statement to raging feminists was not the initial plan.
I searched for Neosporin.
At this point, raging feminists and the burn on my left thumb had something in common.
They were both annoying as fuck.

Yes, my cigarette. I’m a godamn artist. Not a soy popping premadonna.

Even the smoke that floats upward from my cigarette is healthier than the thoughts I’ve been having lately.

My experiences are creating a mentality I’m actually beginning to enjoy.

You might wonder what this mentality implies, and I might in fact inform you.

Or I could just end this right here and now.

Leave you wondering.

Leave you pondering.

I might even enjoy that in a perverse sort of way.

Might is a beautiful word.
It can imply the best, and the worst of things, all while leaving the statement, generally mysterious.

That sentence might be a comma splice.

If I were to be reincarnated into a word, I might be that word. But that might be giving too much information.

Nevertheless, my sweet petunia’s, I’m in an excellent mood today and will therefore give you the delicious privilege of peeking into my mind for a few precious minutes.
By excellent mood, I mean fucking ridiculous, and by few minutes, I mean many.

I light another cigarette.
Disgusting, I know. But I like the fact that I can do something at 1:09 a.m. and six hours later when you read this, still, provoke a feeling in you.
I’ll be off living my life, likely educating myself, all while you sit here and read this and feel:

A. disgusted by my cigarette habit.
B. enlightened by my ability to not give a fuck.
C. none of the above.
D. Both E & F.

Confusing?
Good.
Yet another feeling I have provoked in a matter of mere seconds.
What’s really going to burst your bubble later is the question of whether or not I really did smoke throughout this entire piece or if perhaps I just said that in order to divert your attention toward everything and nothing that I was saying.
Perhaps I might have done that.

You’re all a generation of endlessly curious little bastards.
It’s time we remedied that.

Back to the new mentality though.
I suppose the proper way to introduce a new mentality is to review the old one.
I used to dedicate myself fully to someone I was with.
And I don’t mean, making a few compromises here and there, I mean, fully.

As in, I would skip school, work, and my own life just so that they were happy.
Well guess what my sweet darlings, the moon no longer chases the sun in the sky.
It shines on its own.
In the dark unpredictable night.

Clarity, it seems, shines bright.
I am putting myself first.
I am who I am, if you like it, excellent.
If not, please, proceed your pompous superficial sheit elsewhere.

I will walk around with no makeup on. I will sit in basketball shorts and have my hair up in a messy bun.
If you do not think you could handle this, I’m almost inclined to feel bad for whoever you might actually choose as your significant other.

Because yes, I have finally become comfortable with who I am and no longer feel the need to fit into your itinerary.

This mentality continues to prosper, and the more I realize, the happier I am.
I might even begin to like this mentality.

Might.

Good.

I am not in the business of sugarcoating reality. Those of you who know me, can attest to that.

Therefore, if you are easily offended, please, crawl back into your hole where everything is peachy keen and continue to lie to yourself that truth is not written in blood.

Also, know on your way back to your safety net, that in my humble opinion, you are below a human being, below an animal, and below the very dirt that covers the surface of this earth.
Why?
Because a coward does not have the characteristics of a human being. He has the characteristics of a leaf blowing in the wind. Blown in whichever direction the wind suits, this leaf will never choose it’s own path, it will never go against the breeze.

Even dirt, in the face of wind, eventually comes back and holds its ground.

A coward, does not.

So please, if you are a soft being, who does not want to know about the ” boogie monster” hiding in the closet, close your eyes and go to sleep, while the rest of us deal with the reality of the world around us. Thank you.

Now that that has been put out of the way, I would like to state my opinion on some things that I see in the world around me.

1. I see in the world around me herds. Herds of sheep. Numbering in hundreds of thousands. You are simply another number in the sequence. All one needs to do is step into a classroom nowadays, and they can be reassured that our future is at its ends.

Where have opinions gone? Where has contradiction been lost?
Since when have people decided “politically correct” is a must?
It is not.

And I see this in every classroom I take part.
The moment someone steps out of the boundaries, the scolding looks and controversial whispers arise.
Teachers have become dictators. Their authorities, no longer questioned. The information we are being fed, no longer questioned.
The ideals being provided, no longer questioned.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

When you were ten years old and someone told you the sky was purple, you looked up and assured yourself it was not.

Now, a teacher tells you that Capitalism is a good form of government, and you do not look it up.
You do not reassure yourself.
You simply nod and wait for your next assignment to be given.

When did you decide to leave your curiosity behind and simply accept facts that are handed to you?

When did you decide that educating yourself was no longer about learning, but about degrees?

When did you decide that a pipe was more important than a book?

When did you decide that a screen was more beautiful than the world that surrounds you?

When, goddammit?

Because if I remember correctly, we were not like this before.

We were motivated.

Motivated to understand ourselves, the world around us, and beyond.

We did not settle for bare necessities, and we did not accept anything less than perfection.

We ran as hard as we could to win a race, we thought as hard as we could to solve a problem, and we went as far as we needed to find an answer.

And now look at us, mere numbers in a sequence.
Manipulated only by those who know the formula.

No one cares to understand the formula anymore, no one cares to even know it, all they care about is obtaining the final result.

Forget the process that comes along with it, there are mathematicians who can do that.
Forget understanding the human body, there are doctors who can tell us what pills to take.
Forget making life decisions, there are  “life coaches” who can advise you on your path through life.

A fucking “life coach”? Really? It’s absolutely repulsive what we have become.
Everything around us continues to develop, yet we do not develop along with it.

Our morals, the ideas of centuries ago.
Our traditions, unchanged since the middle ages.
The system in which we function, untouched.
Men still congregate and argue over who gets the bigger “loaf of bread” and how many other citizens they should tax in order to obtain more bread.
Our educations, decreasing beyond an exponential rate.
People used to give their entire salaries to learn how to read.
Now, people don’t even care to pick up books.
Libraries have become obsolete, book stores have closed.

As a spectator to all this, I cannot help but be outraged.

Not only with those around me, but with myself also.
I am no hypocrite. I too have fallen into this trap of ignorance often times. I’ve allowed myself to be detracted by the various forms of entertainment that exist to keep us distracted, but nonetheless, my eyes refuse to close. My eyes refuse to become blinded to the realities of what is becoming of the world around us.

I refuse to sit back and watch the slow decay of what truly is a beautiful creature.

You are a human being. Who can weigh out decisions, feel emotion, rationalize it, calculate it, compute it, exert it, understand it, and use it. Your every atom is a walking contradiction to the laws of physics. After thousands of years, we still do not fully understand how this machine of a body functions. And yet you wish to squander that potential by becoming another sheep in the herd and never questioning  anything around you?

I find that extremely disappointing.

I find that appalling.

And I find it damn near ridiculous.

Do not allow yourself to become another number in the sequence.

Read. Learn. Understand.

Become something.

The technological beauty which lies in you cannot go unused.

Know everything, then question it.

Question it until the tree of knowledge no longer bears roots.

Learn until your knowledge outweighs your thoughts.

Exist until your life outweighs your time.