Lost Love Lust

The music seeps into my ears like blood into a syringe, blinking every beat I cant help but sing along.

While listening to this beautiful song that I grew up to, I am inspired, I have had a bad day, and I feel like frankly, I have had a bad month.

Money is low, opportunity inexistent, hope is helplessly chocking on fear, and then it hits me.

I grab a dollar from my wallet, a plain piece of white paper, a classic black sharpie marker, tape, and scissors.

All while, still listening quite loudly to “Break Free” by Queen.

I set up my utensils, this will be brilliant.

Tape the dollar to the piece of paper.

And write:

“When all hope is lost… I will spend this.”

Note the exact date and time.

 I feel free of fear, of doubt, of stress, of any of these constraining feelings.

My only thought: “It is what it is, and if the time does come for me to spend this I will know I tried my best.”

Some may say I am cheesy, or laugh at me for actually believing in something, but since then my life has been as carefree as possible. 

Whether it was the song, or just the utter need to rebel against my fears, I did break free that night and said “You know what world, fuck you. I will make it in this world whether you like it or not.”

The paper is taped to my mirror in my room, and it reminds me every day I wake up that everything will be okay, I will make something of my life, with or without money, I will do it.